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Hey I would really appreciate it if you take the time to read this.

I have recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I am in therapy. But I was speaking to a close friend yesterday (she does psychology at uni) and she mentioned that she thinks my symptoms may fit Borderline Personality Disorder. So I did a online test and scored alarmingly high, although I do realise online tests are really inconclusive and shouldn’t be taken as a diagnosis.

Some symptoms that seem to fit is I am extremely needy. I constantly fear that people will leave me and go to extreme lengths such as suicide attempts to keep people with me. I have really big abandonment issues, I constantly fear my loved ones will leave me (although this isn’t with everyone). Another thing is if I text someone and they don’t text back within a reasonable amount of time, I will start to have extreme doubts about myself such as: ‘They hate me and I am worthless’, or ‘I am annoying them and should just kill myself’.

Another thing is, I change my opinions about people really quickly. When I love my friends and family, I love them with all my heart. But if they do something like cancel plans, I will genuinely hate them and get really angry, which pisses them off and pushes them away. And then I always fear they will leave me.. so it’s kind of a vicious circle. But I am there for them when they need me, so I don’t know whether that really fits with BPD’

I also self harm regularly and drink a fair bit as it helps me manage my emotions, but my drinking is very excessive and usually ends badly. I also get stuck on little details and miss the bigger picture and usually something either is or it isn’t with me. An example of this would be: if I send an email to a teacher or someone and they don’t email back, then I am annoying them.. to me there isn’t any other explanation, like they may be busy..

I have been diagnosed with depression, so my feelings tend to be quite negative and suicidal. I also change my mind about myself a lot. For example, I currently cannot decide whether I am a lesbian or not. And I have constant changes of opinion about what course my life should take.

I am also extremely impulsive’!

Also I have had a relatively difficult home life as my parent is emotionally abusive and things just get really hard at home.. I was also bullied a lot in school.

I guess I am just asking this to get others opinions, am I just freaking myself out’ I also am extremely reluctant to mention this to my therapist in case I am just being stupid.

Thank you if you have taken the time to read this
Oh my symptoms are definitely not as severe as that. The only thing that is is the suicidal ideation, which I forgot to mention. Although I think that is part of my depression, and I am 18. But no, I don’t think I have it, I realise how misleading the internet it and didn’t realise how severe the symptoms actually were. I think I am probably just extremely dependent on others.