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My boyfriend, 38 and myself, 31 have been together for 9 months. He has been legally separated from his wife for about 2 years and they have 2 boys together 6 and 9 years old. I have been a single mom for 10 years to my son…He was very devastated by the loss of his family and especially not getting to tuck his boys in every night. He’s a dedicated father to them and loves them dearly which I truly admire. He gets them every other weekend and Mondays and Wednesdays after they finish daycare for a couple of hours. (Just giving a little history) Well we met online and you don’t really consider the type of feelings that can arise once you start falling for someone in his situation.

I’ve actually googled his ex to see what she looks like (insecure much’..and curious of course). Well she’s beautiful and from what I know and can tell by when he speaks of his boys, she’s a good mom. He has known her for 20 years, he was only 18, and married her when he was 26, divorced at 36. He is a family man, a forgiving man, says nothing bad about her (which is a good thing), has a very good heart…leads me to be worried that what if she wanted to reconcile’ Would he do anything to bring his family back together” To get the love they had back” Why wouldn’t one want to do that” She wanted the divorce becuase she said she loved him but wasn’t in love with him and has felt that way for 4 years. She recently changed her last name back to her maiden name. She’s living in the house they lived in as a married couple and is buying him out, happening soon (this drives him mad at the thought of it as there will be another man in the home he also worked hard for, and with HIS kids!) He lives back with his parents. They had financial issues (which he said was the main reason behind it ending)…who knows.
A quick scenario: Tonight I’d mentioned to him that I spoke to a friend of mine that wants to go back to her ex-husband and work things out again. I said that I told her “remember, he’s still going to basically be the man he was generally so be careful…Yes it may be better at first but if both of you are not willing to work hard at it, you’ll go back to separating again”. My bf says “Why do you say that’” It depends on the situation, people can change etc”. Almost but not really being defensive.

We haven’t met each others kids (he says that will happen casually and gradually which I’m fine with) and have not spoken about any kind of future. He has not told me he loves me, these words are very important to him he says. He shows me he cares about me and answers my every text/call, always up to seeing me, opens my door and listens to me when I have concerns…but this I don’t want to bring up to him again as I already brought it up in the past. When I did, he said, how can I forget everything that happened, all the things she said to me. You can’t just go back and forget everything that happened.

My son’s father has never been involved in my son’s life, unfortunately for his father, so it’s easier for him to come into my son’s life. Whereas myself, I’ll be dealing with his ex, will the boys like me’ His family who loved the woman…There you have it, this is how overwhelmed I get…sometimes I think that maybe I’m not secure enough to be in this realtionship but I’m in love with this man.

So very sorry for the length of my “question” but question is…has anyone been in this situation’ It’s really complicated :s for myself right now at least

I really thank you if you’ve made it this far!